on connectivity

somehow i feel, as we progress and become more technologically connected, we become less connected to others physically and emotionally.
how do you stay connected to someone?

if i "see" someone on facebook/friendster/msn/skype everyday, have the person's email and mobile number, am i counted connected to the person? are we "in contact"?
well, i know what the person is doing (facebook status! msn nicks!), where the person has been to recently and even years ago (facebook photos!), the crowd the person hangs out with, the common friends we have (facebook's 'people-you-might-know' function!), who the person got attached to ("xxx is no longer listed as 'single', he/she is listed as 'in a relationship' with XXX"), whether they are about to get married.
i probably know almost all about that fella! heck, i might even recognise the friend's friends' cos i've been looking at the friend's facebook photos so much!

but hey this is just like stalking them in broad daylight! or rather, they allow themselves to be stalked..

i thought staying in contact meant u had to, u know, at least have some verbal or face-to-face communication (yeah, we have to include online conversations too).

which is why i don't really like pple adding me on facebook or msn quite randomly, and NEVER approach me to talk to me. AND WHAT IS THE USE OF ADDING ME?! please dont tell me "just don't add them/approve the friend request la!". cos i have had weird situations where the person comes up to me and says "how come u never approve my FR or add me back on msn?" errrr right. so i hurried home and added the person. AND WE NEVER SPOKE A WORD SINCE. not even a "hello, how are u doing?"

tell me, what is the point, seriously?

Labels: penny-for-my-thoughts

a short post

my friend once told me, "noelle, in life, don't ever settle for second best. keep searching till you find the best for yourself!" (she was talking about relationships and boyfriends)

when i think of what she says, i start to wonder...
there is NO BEST person. there is NO RIGHT person.
there is only THE PERSON YOU LOVE MOST.

am i right or not?
bahhh.

another day at work.

p.s: i super love petsociety on facebook! all of you friends who are on my facebook should join petsociety too!!!!

Labels: penny-for-my-thoughts

random post no. 16

it's been quite some time since i wrote anything..
blame it on my need of sleep. blame it on my lack of time.
blame it on my PROCRASTINATION.
why am i such a procrastinator?!

anyway, since i kinda forgot how to write anything, i went reading my past entries.
it's amazing to be able to relate to what i wrote.
reading my entries bring me back to my life in e past.
i feel what i felt then. the pain, the joy, the worries..

i am somehow amazed at the way i write sometimes.
especially when i write about love.
it must have been really strong feelings i felt, to have made me write that way.

ok, just some random thoughts. enough, change topic.

i hate being myself.
i hate being just mediocre. just average. just being me.
it annoys me to the core!

since i was little, i never dared to try anything new bcos i was afraid to fail.
so i never danced, never sang, never picked up sports.
i never ventured out into the unknown, never took an untrodden path.
bcos i was afraid.

i love singing, but i'm just average at it.
i love writing, but i'm just normal at it.
i love dancing, but i'm just weird at it.
same goes for badminton, netball and everything else in life.

and so i've grown up.
graduated with an average degree, got a pathetic job and bleak future.
WTF is this?
i'm sure i wasn't born to be like that.
i yearn to be someone better, to be successful like my peers.

but why am i just me?
the average, pathetic, loser me.

oh please don't tell me things like "bcos you didn't try".
try i did.
i threw away all my fears and awkward feelings and tried my best in everything i could do to improve my life.
but i failed.
time and time again.

u know why? bcos i'm just noelle.
the loser me.
i feel inadequate when i'm with my peers. they wonder why i'm in my current job.
what can i say?
BCOS I CAN'T GET ANYONE TO EMPLOY ME.
:(

argh. i need to get out of this "average" rut.

enough ranting for today.
time for bed.





FUCK THE SINGAPORE PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM

as per above title.
FUCK.





fight, noelle, fight!

yeah i know my parents are not rich, and neither do they have enough savings for me to plan my future.
yeah i know i'm quite demanding over the location of a flat etc.
of course i know.

but it's my life.
and i won't allow my life to be manipulated by anyone else, especially by money.

when i can...
i will give him the best i can ever afford.
i will fight to fulfil our dreams.
i will live my life, the one i built myself.

i know i can succeed. i just need that chance.
i'm working hard, i'm finding my foothold.
so just watch, i'll fight till the end.
i'm not giving up till i can give him the best.

and don't....
don't suggest controlling my life anymore.
it hurts.





well, hello

glad to see that my blog still has some random visitors once in a while..
erm hello one and all! (i think it's more of ONE.. heh.)
haven't had much time to blog.
hectic life i lead, you see...

everyday after work, i come home and sit in front of the tv.
i eat dinner, read newspapers, remove my makeup, all in front of the tv.
i sit through the 7pm, 8pm and my favourit-est 9pm show.
at 10pm, i switch off my tv and head to the shower.
after my shower, i start my daily facial regime (in hope of rescuing my dying complexion).
and to complete my eventful day, i flop onto my bed and dial my baby's (MUACKS*)number.
zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

how very hectic.
great.

whatever time i spend idling or stoning, i basically devote most of it to thinking of my career progession and prospects (or in this case, the LACK of my career progression and prospects).

sidetrack: my bf just came into my room and expressed amazement at my blogging. HAHA

i swear i haven't been writing enough. screwed up my english.
i was talking to leonard online the other day, and some sentence came out like that:
"so he's very CONSERVATION, while i'm more outgoing"
damn. i'm never gonna hear the end of this.

hmm i forgot what i wanted to blog about.
bad memory.
so let's end of this post with a forward looking note.
i hope i'll find some time soon to blog, and erm, have more interesting things to blog about.

byebye.





and i appreciate.

have been thinking alot these few days.
think my brain is about to reformat soon.
my head is somehow always throbbing away and i feel dizzy quite a bit.

other than the job offers i have been so stressed about, i have been spending quite a fair bit of time at gleneagles.
my good friend's dad is critically ill in ICU and i wish to just spend some time with her.
seeing uncle tubed up in the ICU was painful.
even more so since i saw him 3months ago after his operation to remove the cancerous tumour in his liver, and he was optimistic about how everything would turn out.
an optimistic, semi-healthy person 3months ago, he is now on life support in ICU, fighting for his life.
i feel so.... empathetic, if that is the right word to use here. i feel so much for my friend and her family, but i can't put the feelings into words. i just don't know what to say. i hope she understands my feelings through my actions and hugs.

cancer is really a terrifying disease. it literally eats a person up.
life is really fragile..
just like vincent said, we gotta treat everyone like they'd be gone tomorrow.
so i have been working hard to meet my own expectations of my roles in life.
let everyone around me know how much they mean to me.

i guess after experiencing my grandma's sudden death, seeing jvs's dad's passing, and now my friend's dad situation, i appreciate my family more.

i love my daddy.
i've always been a daddy's girl. when i'm with daddy, i know i will be safe.
i know he will solve all my problems for me. although he pisses me off a lot, i do remember the things he has done for me.
when i was younger, i once developed a high fever in the middle of the night. my daddy carried me in his arms and ran to the 24hr medical centre near my place. i remember feeling terrible, yet once my dad carried me, i knew my illness would go away soon.
all throughout school life and even till now, daddy has been, and still is, my personal chauffeur. i am somehow always faced with situations when i can't get home myself. (last bus left already; no money to take cab; blistered foot/feet so i can't walk home; dizzy spells; caught in the drizzle/shower/thunderstorm; too lazy to go home myself very far from home etcetc). just a call from me, and daddy would nag alot and zoom by to drive me home. better than taxi companies' taxi booking service. personalised service you know? he knows where all my good friends stay, simply bcos he has been to all of their houses to pick me up. in fact, my daddy identifies my friends not by their names but by their address!
to me, my daddy is my hero, my playmate and my entertainer. although he can't help us in our studies cos he's pretty much uneducated, he contributed to me and meimei's lives by playing with us. he always bothered to entertain us by playing games with us, go swimming with us, teaching us how to ride bicycles etc. today, my daddy still entertains us by playing PS2 games with us (although he gets pretty blur about which player he is and keeps "game over-ing")
we get irritated at his attention seeking antics sometimes, but really he is quite funny and adorable.

i love my mummy.
she's my wonderwoman, my know-it-all, my guide book to life.
she always knows what's best for me. she's the one i turn to for advice and support.
and i know, eventually when i choose to walk my own path in life, she'll always be there to support me. mummy brought us up to be decisive, to be strong and to be cautious but bold when making decisions. i'd always thought i veered off these traits, and nic is the independent, strong and decisive one. but as i grow up and see more people around me, i realise i am really much better off than a lot of people in the "decisive, strong and bold" department. i appreciate my mummy's efforts for putting me in a top school and keeping me firmly grounded. i hate the elitist mentality, but being from one of the best schs in singapore create an exposure and experience like no other. and i am proud that i mix well with other people from other schools. although my mummy is a full-time working mother, she never compromises on the time she has for us. she still rushes home to cook a sumptuous dinner for the family, and does all the housework at home. i feel bad that i havent done well in my studies, not as well as she would have liked me to (mummy paid a lot trying to get me educated), but i hope i can make it up to her in other ways.

i could go on and on about my parents. but i'm being summoned for dinner.

being a parent is a tireless job. can't just quit being a parent when you get tired of looking after and being responsible of a child.
but still, i am looking forward to be a mother of the children of the man i love. :)

do you appreciate the people around you?
treasure them before it's too late.

Labels: a-day-in-our-life, penny-for-my-thoughts