but.. i've made up my mind. things that have to be done, have to be done.
if you wanna make it easier for me, just be my friend. just be here for me. that's it.
i don't hope for any encouraging words since this matter has been around for so long. i don't need your understanding. bcos you're not me. you don't know wat it feels like. you're not the one who feels tormented. i wish i didn't have to go through this. but i think this is the best way out now.
if you wish to help, just be here to hold me when i fall to my knees.
i'm feeling so ARGH-I-CAN'T-EXPLAIN. very grumpy, grouchy, bitchy.. you get the idea right?
i drove home at 245am just to realise that there isn't a carpark lot for me to park my car in. i searched the WHOLE CARPARK! bloody hell. what do you expect me to do with my car? bring it home with me?! why would you issue more season parking tickets than carpark lots available?! i parked the car along double yellow lines. if i receive a fine tomorrow morning, i am so gonna fuck HDB or whoever upside down.
i feel upset when i see couples lovey-dovey. i miss my lovey-dovey days too. ah fuck all the lovey-dovey things in the world. fuck all the happy people in the world.
and fuck you too. bcos you made me this miserable. i wish i could hate you.
there are some days when i just wanna give it all up. to forget all the pain, sorrow, guilt and all the crap feelings that i'm not supposed to feel. to give up all the happiness, bliss, joy and all the other feelings that i'm not supposed to enjoy.
if i choose to fight, who/wat am i fighting for? this is all very confusing.
i am nothing but an empty shell. i am nothing without you.
i've recently taken to wearing sunshades when i'm out. sure, it invites stares and strange looks from people. it makes gloomy days darker for me. but it shields me from everything else. it hides my tired eyes, my dark eye-rings, my pain and tears.
my eyes give me away. someone once told me, "you can be smiling happily on the outside, but one look into your eyes and i know you're not happy inside." i don't want to show others my unhappiness, my weakness and my vulnerability.
it was enjoyable as a whole, except for the red carpet event. the 2 hosts had no chemistry at all, and kept interrupting their interviewees. very annoying to watch.
i loved the performances, especially the opening performance by Jolin. although i was never a big fan of hers, i see her effort and her improvements throughout the years. for that, i salute her. RESPECT. she won Best Female last night! i can't deny that she's not the one with the best vocals, but for all the hard work she has put it, she really deserves the Best Female title.
Tegomasu was good! i was impressed by them! johnny's trained them well.. LOL but they didn't electrify me.
the people who ELECTRIFIED me were.........
SUPER JUNIORRRRRR!!! <3<3
WATCH IT WATCH IT! as xinyan says, "THEY DID SO WELL!!" yes i agree. being only a one-quarter (not even half leh.) hearted SUJU fan, i LOVED LOVED LOVED their performance! HANKYUNGGGG!!! EETEUK!!!! i was squealing and screaming NON-STOP when they appeared. btw, my mum asked me a funny question.. "so many of them! how do they earn money?!" cue laughter. (it's SM entertainment that earns MOST of the money. sniggers.)
