convocation ceremony tmr. lots of mixed feelings. i'm excited at the prospect of seeing everyone in school again! i'm happy cos i'm finally graduating. i'm sad cos it's the end of my school life. i'm worried cos WHAT IF I FALL DOWN ON STAGE?!?! i'm upset cos i didn't graduate with honours, and compared to my sis who was valedictorian of her batch, i'm pathetic. i'm annoyed cos i don't like the school's system of collecting tickets and such.
ARGHHHHHHHH will i be able to sleep well tonight?
a new phase of my life is beginning. will you walk with me?
i just looked thru my msn list. and i realised i don't talk to 75% of the pple on it. e bulk of it comes clearly from the NTU group. i have 49 people in that group, and i talk to 5 of them regularly, and 3 more of them occasionally. i bet most of them don't remember who i am. we worked briefly together on various projects in a particular sem, and msn happened to be the easiest way of communicating with each other. but when the project ends, so does the communication.
i am, however, more upset and disappointed at how i handle my relationships with the other people in my other groups.
9jms don't contribute to my disappointment. they clear this easily, cos i do chat with them online regularly.
under the group that i labelled "Energy Fans", i keep constant contact with HL, Christine, Peirong and Loojean. and i'm thankful to them for making the effort to work at our friendship.
"JC friends". i chat with 5 out of 17 regularly, 3 occasionally, and e rest, NOT AT ALL. what am i doing?! why are they even on my list?!
my "SC girls" failed terribly. out of 9 girls, i chat with 3 of them very very VERY occasionally, and not with e rest of the 6 girls. once again, why are they even on my list?! and why am i on their list?!
and the group that upset me the most: "YZULTD" yzultd gave me beautiful memories. we forged friendships that managed to extend further than just our liking for yanzi. or so it seemed. i guess life is taking a toll on the friendship. out of 14 people in the group (including wilson who is basically non-existent on my msn cos he probably blocked and deleted me, resulting in me NEVER seeing him online), i talk to a grand total of 1 person occasionally. SIGH SIGH SIGH. even as i fight hard to protect my memories of YZULTD, they are slowly but surely, fading away. and i am feeling a strong need to build up more memories. as much as i can, i stay away from places that i frequented with them, so as to not "taint" the memory i have of that place. something must be done soon. i need money. and den i can organise a chalet or something.
done with harry potter and the deathly hallows. final book. the end of the series. no more eager anticipation for the next book to be published. wells, guess we just gotta wait for the movies to come out next.
WHY AM I FEELING SO UPSET?!?!? arghhhhh!
crappy feelings that i can't put into words. shall blog when i'm in a better mood. RAHHHH.
convocation on tuesday. i hope i don't step on my own pants/trip over my own feet/lose my balance in my heels and fall down on stage. please at least let me have a nice, graceful "leaving school" memory.
how can anything be this cute?!?!?! i saw it at toys-r-us @ vivo about 2 months ago, but i only got to see the demo at suntec last week. i loved it! it kinda makes me giggle uncontrollably! good to get rid of my troubles once in a while.
but this happiness doesn't come cheap! this elmo costs a freaking $99.90!! what's wrong with the world?! do parents really buy such expensive toys for their kids? i mean, kids will probably be interested in it for like, 1 month? (or maybe even only 2 weeks, given the short lifespan of EVERYTHING now..)
anyways, HULLO MY CARROT FRIEND ALEX!!! i guess you should buy me one to bring me laughter while you're away in sydney! it can keep me sane on your behalf!
went to pay respects to ishi at the temple today. his friends and his family were with him at the temple. i hear it's been like that since he left. he's really loved. too bad everyone couldn't feel for him, couldn't relief him of his pain. it was a pity he chose to end his life, since he had a bright future in front of him. but i still don't think it's a "sin".
putting myself in his shoes... if i'm in so much pain till i don't think life's worth living, why live on? why force myself to put on a mask and live a life that i don't want to live? i don't believe in living for others anymore. no more. simply because, when i'm in pain, no one, absolutely no one feels what i feel. so i live for myself. to make myself happy. so i pledge to spend all my salary (when i find a job) just to make myself happy. tickle-me-elmo, gucci bags, lots and lots of make up, here i come! (JUST KIDDING LA.)
OMG just heard shocking news. gotta go. bloody malaysian robbers.
you know how we feel down and depressed until we meet our angel, who makes everything seem alright again? xy was my angel yesterday. yes xy! YOU! :)
you know how you think you are treasured by your friends, but you don't actually know bcos no one ever says anything? do you know the feeling when someone tells you that you really matter to them?
girl, i was truly touched. i held back my tears at Fish & Co, cos i didn't want us to look silly. but when i got home and read your msg, my tears flowed.
thank you xinyan! thank you for letting me know that i'll be missed if i leave. thank you for overlooking my flaws, and being my bestie in uni! thank you for watching over me always. thank you for lending me a listening ear. thank you for being there when i need advice and encouragement.. your words always make a lot of sense to me! thank you for being my angel of the day... :)
